The last couple of weeks I have been intrigued by the place of desert and wilderness in the Bible.
There was song we sang on Wednesday morning in class for devotions. The song was entitled Desert Prayer.
Wilderness in the Bible was sometimes a place of chaos, destruction, and rebellion.
I like Job have began to see the wilderness as a place that proclaims the awesome workings of the Creator my Daddy.
The wilderness all throughout the Bible has been a place where God’s grace, revelation, nurture, and preparation has been made known. The wilderness has always been a place where people have had intense encounters with God. Where God has done some of his best work. The last two weeks as I have been more intensely in the wilderness at Bethel Seminary, I have been challenged to live a life in the wilderness more in my classroom, my home, and here in Pella. This wilderness offered me a place of question, silence, grace, and transformation.
Like the wilderness dwellers before us-
* Noah was on a boat for 40 days where God used Noah.
* Moses was found in the wilderness with God more than once.
* Elijah: Spent 40 days in a wilderness where God spares him and guides him to new ministry.
* David: Stayed in the wilderness all the years he was hiding from Saul. WHile in the wilderness with God wrote some beautiful Psalms.
* Jesus Christ: Spent 40 days in the wilderness. Jesus went into the desert wilderness filled with the Holy Spirit and battled Satan and left the wilderness in the power of the Spirit, ready to begin his earthly ministry.
Two weeks ago I entered the wilderness of Bethel seeking encounters with the Divine, transformation, and preparation for ministry. In the wilderness my classmates and professors became a loving community. God’s Word came alive for me and our prayer and devotional life were vibrant. Every encounter and transformative experience with God in the wilderness seems so much more vibrant. Wilderness is God’s spiritual boot camp – a place of blessing and beautifully balance.
The last two weeks has provided a place where I could unplug from my busy and noisy life, experience solitude, and practice Christian meditation.
The wilderness provide the time and space to get right with God.
In the wilderness, I can climb higher in my faith, and more fully understand my dependence on God.
The natural response from seeing the majesty of the Creator and experiencing an awakened spiritual life is the desire to worship and praise our Lord! God uses wilderness as a place to fill people with the power of the Holy Spirit.
As we live as children of God how are we living out our own wilderness? How are others seeing those times when we have had those wilderness experiences and want to be a part of it too. Are other seeing how the wilderness is making God’s Word come alive and our prayer and devotional lives vibrant?
Lord help me to live as a wilderness dweller always.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Intense Life - It all happens in February
Intense.
There the three of us were new friends but we had one thing in common we were beginning this journey called Seminary. We were assigned as roommates in what we called the penthouse. We drank coffee together, we ate together, we worshiped to together, we laughed together, and we shared life together for that week.
From that week that seemed to rock our world and who we were we became friends. We lived forty-five minutes from each other and kept this friendship and journey going. All through this time there was one common theme-February. God is going to rock us, open up for us, reach us, and touch us in February like we have never known.
So here we are 7 months later. It is February. One of us is engaged, quitting her job, getting married, and moving to China. One of us has lost her job, had her identity stolen, and now has no place to live. Myself I am learning for the first to live to make myself happy and no one else. I see what has shaped me into who I am and also how God has used where I have been as a launching pad for a new adventure.
So it is February and here we are with new adventures and dreams sitting before us now.
Dreams of weddings. Dreams of moving. Dreams of new jobs. Dreams of God being in and with us through it all. Some may say we are crazy I say we are God followers.
As we look for apartments, sell houses, apply for jobs, or look into full time school we are seeking what God wants. Not what the world tells us we should want. Not what our family and friends tell us we should want. What God wants.
So in the words of my Transformational Leadership class all I need from you is to love me along the way. The way may be lonely, long, tiresome, poor, and painful but it is the road that God has called us down and we are willing to go. On the road I will bring praise.
This morning we sang this song for devotions in Transformational Leadership.
I love the lyrics and can feel the words in my life right now.
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness, or trial, or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am conquerer and co-heir with Christ
so firm on HIs promise I'll stand
All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
Where favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
There the three of us were new friends but we had one thing in common we were beginning this journey called Seminary. We were assigned as roommates in what we called the penthouse. We drank coffee together, we ate together, we worshiped to together, we laughed together, and we shared life together for that week.
From that week that seemed to rock our world and who we were we became friends. We lived forty-five minutes from each other and kept this friendship and journey going. All through this time there was one common theme-February. God is going to rock us, open up for us, reach us, and touch us in February like we have never known.
So here we are 7 months later. It is February. One of us is engaged, quitting her job, getting married, and moving to China. One of us has lost her job, had her identity stolen, and now has no place to live. Myself I am learning for the first to live to make myself happy and no one else. I see what has shaped me into who I am and also how God has used where I have been as a launching pad for a new adventure.
So it is February and here we are with new adventures and dreams sitting before us now.
Dreams of weddings. Dreams of moving. Dreams of new jobs. Dreams of God being in and with us through it all. Some may say we are crazy I say we are God followers.
As we look for apartments, sell houses, apply for jobs, or look into full time school we are seeking what God wants. Not what the world tells us we should want. Not what our family and friends tell us we should want. What God wants.
So in the words of my Transformational Leadership class all I need from you is to love me along the way. The way may be lonely, long, tiresome, poor, and painful but it is the road that God has called us down and we are willing to go. On the road I will bring praise.
This morning we sang this song for devotions in Transformational Leadership.
I love the lyrics and can feel the words in my life right now.
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness, or trial, or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am conquerer and co-heir with Christ
so firm on HIs promise I'll stand
All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
Where favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
Lessons in LOVE from an unlikely place
I learned a lesson today on love.
I had been gone for a week to St. Paul for school and returned back to work today. It was a hard day. Hard because I struggle with whether God wants me teaching. I struggle with the Masters program I am in. I struggle with living in Pella especially since it was so cold today.
So I get back to school and here comes a 7th grade girl to my desk. This is not just any 7th grade girl this is a special needs 7th grade girl in my class. A girl that hardly speaks to me or others. She comes walking up to my desk and gives me a hug with her purple warm up suit and tells me she missed me. As I try to fight the tears in my eyes as she walks out of the room and says I am glad you are back I learned a lesson on love.
This girl did not love me because I was her teacher but because I care about her.
I guess as I sit here at home and take a look at my day I wish I could myself as that girl did.
I wish when I looked at myself and see all those wonderful things that she sees in me.
Instead I see the clothes that use to be looser.
Instead I see bags under my eyes from the sleep I did not get.
Instead I see the 26 year old woman who has never dated or had a boyfriend.
Instead I see the girl whose family lives hours away.
Instead I see the gifted athlete I use to be.
Instead I see the girl who eats dinner alone.
Instead I see the girl stuck in a rut of uncertainty about the future.
I am glad God sees me like the student in my class. God comes and asks me to humble myself and trust him; to rejoice again in his grace. God challenges me to help me see the way he sees me. I hope whoever reads this may see yourself the way God’s sees us as well.
So today I saw and experienced God in little girl with a quiet voice and big heart. She taught me to be reminded that I AM GOD’s BELOVED ON WHOM HIS FAVOR RESTS!
I always have music that meets my needs. This happens to be one of my favorite songs write now. I think it fits perfect with me right now.
Beloved by. Tenth Avenue North
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'am the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life
Cause you're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
& it binds you to me
You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery
It's a mystery
I had been gone for a week to St. Paul for school and returned back to work today. It was a hard day. Hard because I struggle with whether God wants me teaching. I struggle with the Masters program I am in. I struggle with living in Pella especially since it was so cold today.
So I get back to school and here comes a 7th grade girl to my desk. This is not just any 7th grade girl this is a special needs 7th grade girl in my class. A girl that hardly speaks to me or others. She comes walking up to my desk and gives me a hug with her purple warm up suit and tells me she missed me. As I try to fight the tears in my eyes as she walks out of the room and says I am glad you are back I learned a lesson on love.
This girl did not love me because I was her teacher but because I care about her.
I guess as I sit here at home and take a look at my day I wish I could myself as that girl did.
I wish when I looked at myself and see all those wonderful things that she sees in me.
Instead I see the clothes that use to be looser.
Instead I see bags under my eyes from the sleep I did not get.
Instead I see the 26 year old woman who has never dated or had a boyfriend.
Instead I see the girl whose family lives hours away.
Instead I see the gifted athlete I use to be.
Instead I see the girl who eats dinner alone.
Instead I see the girl stuck in a rut of uncertainty about the future.
I am glad God sees me like the student in my class. God comes and asks me to humble myself and trust him; to rejoice again in his grace. God challenges me to help me see the way he sees me. I hope whoever reads this may see yourself the way God’s sees us as well.
So today I saw and experienced God in little girl with a quiet voice and big heart. She taught me to be reminded that I AM GOD’s BELOVED ON WHOM HIS FAVOR RESTS!
I always have music that meets my needs. This happens to be one of my favorite songs write now. I think it fits perfect with me right now.
Beloved by. Tenth Avenue North
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I'am the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life
Cause you're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
& it binds you to me
You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery
It's a mystery
The Moer I Fight it the More I love you!
Have you ever had one of those days where you just woke and you knew it was going to be a great day? You wake up when your alarm goes off jump out of bed, put a smile on your face and go into the day.
I had one of those yesterday. I woke up after only 5 hours of sleep. I should have been up writing my paper for class but I was watching the Olympics. I woke up at 6 and was not tired. Which is a miracle for a non-morning person like myself. I had a smile on my face ready to face the day.
When in high school my math teacher and volleyball coach would always say it’s another and we would all finish the statement for him…great day. He did that everyday for 4 years. I never thought of it until yesterday morning and the great day I had.
Maybe it was opening my curtain and seeing the sun peering over the hill in my backyard with colors of yellow, blue, purple, green, and orange decorating the sky.
Maybe it was the deer on that hill playing.
Maybe it was the hour drive to the volleyball tournament that morning which I used to worship Jesus, criy to Jesus, and spent time in prayer.
Maybe it was the fact that I was coaching volleyball again after 9 months.
Maybe it is the fact that school is going to start next week and I get to be Miss Brouwer again.
Maybe it is my volleyball team who makes me laugh until I cry.
Maybe it was the fact that my lawn mower broke in the middle of me mowing my jungle of a lawn.
Maybe it is the dinner I actually made myself.
No it was none of those things.
It was going to be a great day because I woke up to Jesus!
There was not one event that day that he was not a part of.
He was the sunrise in the morning. The painter of that beautiful sky.
He was the songs I needed to hear in the car, the prayers I needed to bring, and the tears on my cheek on my drive.
He is the joy in the 10 girls on my team who I get to share with a love for life, volleyball, and our amazing God.
He is the ultimate teacher (rabbi) who I want to model myself after.
He is the reminder that HE is in control when the lawn mower breaks.
Jesus was my dinner date as we ate our meal together.
It was a great day because I finally took the time to see Jesus in every part of my day. The song that came to mind is Bethany Dillion’s waking up to you!
I'm on a flight home this morning
And I can't help but stare at You
My face pressed against this little window
The sky explodes in praise to You, to You
I know my words can't wrap their arms around You tight enough
But still I'll try in this simple song
To You, my Jesus
Because the more I fight it, the more I love You
As my eyes widen, I have to tell You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
Oh, waking up to You
I am small, but I have seen
The same sun rise over India and Ohio fields
To strengthen the heart of this coward
So in every language, from every hurt
We echo affection back to You, Lord
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
I was dead so You became my life
I couldn't see so You became my eyes
I was dead so You became my life
I couldn't see so You became my eyes
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
I had one of those yesterday. I woke up after only 5 hours of sleep. I should have been up writing my paper for class but I was watching the Olympics. I woke up at 6 and was not tired. Which is a miracle for a non-morning person like myself. I had a smile on my face ready to face the day.
When in high school my math teacher and volleyball coach would always say it’s another and we would all finish the statement for him…great day. He did that everyday for 4 years. I never thought of it until yesterday morning and the great day I had.
Maybe it was opening my curtain and seeing the sun peering over the hill in my backyard with colors of yellow, blue, purple, green, and orange decorating the sky.
Maybe it was the deer on that hill playing.
Maybe it was the hour drive to the volleyball tournament that morning which I used to worship Jesus, criy to Jesus, and spent time in prayer.
Maybe it was the fact that I was coaching volleyball again after 9 months.
Maybe it is the fact that school is going to start next week and I get to be Miss Brouwer again.
Maybe it is my volleyball team who makes me laugh until I cry.
Maybe it was the fact that my lawn mower broke in the middle of me mowing my jungle of a lawn.
Maybe it is the dinner I actually made myself.
No it was none of those things.
It was going to be a great day because I woke up to Jesus!
There was not one event that day that he was not a part of.
He was the sunrise in the morning. The painter of that beautiful sky.
He was the songs I needed to hear in the car, the prayers I needed to bring, and the tears on my cheek on my drive.
He is the joy in the 10 girls on my team who I get to share with a love for life, volleyball, and our amazing God.
He is the ultimate teacher (rabbi) who I want to model myself after.
He is the reminder that HE is in control when the lawn mower breaks.
Jesus was my dinner date as we ate our meal together.
It was a great day because I finally took the time to see Jesus in every part of my day. The song that came to mind is Bethany Dillion’s waking up to you!
I'm on a flight home this morning
And I can't help but stare at You
My face pressed against this little window
The sky explodes in praise to You, to You
I know my words can't wrap their arms around You tight enough
But still I'll try in this simple song
To You, my Jesus
Because the more I fight it, the more I love You
As my eyes widen, I have to tell You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
Oh, waking up to You
I am small, but I have seen
The same sun rise over India and Ohio fields
To strengthen the heart of this coward
So in every language, from every hurt
We echo affection back to You, Lord
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
I was dead so You became my life
I couldn't see so You became my eyes
I was dead so You became my life
I couldn't see so You became my eyes
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
Enough: Lord Make me like Leah
This past week I got the privilege of going with come of youth group kids who I see as my family to Bozeman, Montana. One of the mornings at group devotions we looked at Genesis 29:31-35. My eyes were opened to this story of Leah and felt myself in her shoes feeling her pain and desires.
Leah was the oldest and in Bible times that meant a pressure to succeed and also have favoritism. Then came along Rachel and seemed to get what she wanted- in this case Jacob’s love.
Where I could relate in the passage is with the names of Leah’s children.
Leah named her first Reuben. The name Reuben means see because the Lord had looked upon her affliction; for now my husband will love me. How many times in our lives do we try to be seen? You go to church maybe to be seen? You wear something so maybe you will be noticed? You attend an event or visit someone so someone will see you and he or she will be impressed with you. Maybe just maybe by impressing them that will lead to love or being cared for.
Leah goes on to conceive again and she has a son and names him Simeon. Simeon means heard because the Lord had heard that Leah was hated. How many times do we want to be heard? How many conversations involve us talking so we can be heard? I am reading Love One Another by Gerald Sitter and the fourth chapter is called Forbear one another. The word for bear according to Webster actually means to restrain or resist. The word for bear has a second definition in Greek, which actually means, “to listen”. I need to learn to listen more to others and God in my life and listen less to myself. I need to stop talking to God in my prayers and just sit and listen to what he is saying in my life.
Leah goes on to conceive once again and has a son and names him Levi. Levi means attached because she bore him three sons Jacob would be attached to her. What do we try and attach ourselves to give us worth and make us feel complete? Sports team? Drama? Band? Who you know? How much you make? Where you live? What you do for a living? What are the things that you attach yourself too? One of my pet peeves when you meet people is after they ask your name they ask what you do for a living or who are you. I always want to answer I am Kristin Brouwer a child of God and my job is to be a disciple for King. I am a serf in the Kingdom of God.
Leah is not finished yet she has another son and names him Judah. This is my favorite one. Judah which means praise because Leah decides to this time she will praise the Lord. I love this because she tries to be seen, she tries to be heard, she tries to attach herself and none of those make her feel and love and accepted by Jacob. So she goes to the one person, who will see her, hear her, attach to her, and love her. She goes to God and just praises HIM!
So when I want to be seen by others….I just want to be seen by God and give Him the glory.
So when I want to be heard by others (or God) in a conversation….I need to step and for bear and just listen.
So when I want to be attached to someone or a group…I need to remember I am attached to the only one that matters.
When I want to give up and give in…I need to stop and praise the Lord and remember no matter what I do God is going to be only thing that is enough for me.
All of You is more than enough for
All of me for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough
You are my supply
My breath of life
Still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
Still more awesome than I know
Leah was the oldest and in Bible times that meant a pressure to succeed and also have favoritism. Then came along Rachel and seemed to get what she wanted- in this case Jacob’s love.
Where I could relate in the passage is with the names of Leah’s children.
Leah named her first Reuben. The name Reuben means see because the Lord had looked upon her affliction; for now my husband will love me. How many times in our lives do we try to be seen? You go to church maybe to be seen? You wear something so maybe you will be noticed? You attend an event or visit someone so someone will see you and he or she will be impressed with you. Maybe just maybe by impressing them that will lead to love or being cared for.
Leah goes on to conceive again and she has a son and names him Simeon. Simeon means heard because the Lord had heard that Leah was hated. How many times do we want to be heard? How many conversations involve us talking so we can be heard? I am reading Love One Another by Gerald Sitter and the fourth chapter is called Forbear one another. The word for bear according to Webster actually means to restrain or resist. The word for bear has a second definition in Greek, which actually means, “to listen”. I need to learn to listen more to others and God in my life and listen less to myself. I need to stop talking to God in my prayers and just sit and listen to what he is saying in my life.
Leah goes on to conceive once again and has a son and names him Levi. Levi means attached because she bore him three sons Jacob would be attached to her. What do we try and attach ourselves to give us worth and make us feel complete? Sports team? Drama? Band? Who you know? How much you make? Where you live? What you do for a living? What are the things that you attach yourself too? One of my pet peeves when you meet people is after they ask your name they ask what you do for a living or who are you. I always want to answer I am Kristin Brouwer a child of God and my job is to be a disciple for King. I am a serf in the Kingdom of God.
Leah is not finished yet she has another son and names him Judah. This is my favorite one. Judah which means praise because Leah decides to this time she will praise the Lord. I love this because she tries to be seen, she tries to be heard, she tries to attach herself and none of those make her feel and love and accepted by Jacob. So she goes to the one person, who will see her, hear her, attach to her, and love her. She goes to God and just praises HIM!
So when I want to be seen by others….I just want to be seen by God and give Him the glory.
So when I want to be heard by others (or God) in a conversation….I need to step and for bear and just listen.
So when I want to be attached to someone or a group…I need to remember I am attached to the only one that matters.
When I want to give up and give in…I need to stop and praise the Lord and remember no matter what I do God is going to be only thing that is enough for me.
All of You is more than enough for
All of me for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough
You are my supply
My breath of life
Still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
Still more awesome than I know
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